2021

I’m numb. 

I like to practice gratitude and I am grateful for everything I have in my life. A beautiful partner who gave me a beautiful son but this year has me numb.

I look around and wonder how the people around me are managing to deal with everything…well they aren’t really and being an empath, I feel their pain as well as my own. 

I’m trying to be strong. Trying not to give them another thing to worry about but I’m nearly done. 

My son is so beautiful and he has changed my life but I often wonder what kind of world I’ve selfishly brought him into. He is 3 months old and needs looking after but I don’t sleep well and I’m struggling to stay on top of everything. I’m breastfeeding and not had a break or more than 4 hours sleep since he was born. 

I knew to a point that the world could be cruel but this year has really drilled it home and it isn’t even done yet. 

I can’t even make sense of it all. I sit here and I feel weak. Too weak to be who I need to be for him. 

I have people who want to support me but they have their own lives to worry about. For me to truly lean on them the way I would need to would be selfish of me. I have to hold it all and be strong but I’m on my last string of strength. 

I’m tired, burned out, hormonal, lonely, grief stricken, anxious, worried, tearful and generally sad. 

2021 is not our year and I’m in tears inside whilst smiling, offering advice and words of strength, I’m crumbling.

I’m writing this just to vent it somewhere in the hopes that letting it out helps in some way because if not for my son and the pain it would cause to those I love I’d be truly done with 2021.